Thursday, December 29, 2011

Singles!!! Wooohoooo!!

It's been forever since I posted, so I will give a brief summary of the events since Christmas before I get to my main point.  I've been pretty good since Christmas.  I've been logging my food for the most part and I've been keeping up with my workouts.  Here lately I've been doing a lot of Zumba and Body Pump and not so much on the running.  Although I've been making sure to run 3 times a week including my Friday long run.  I did 8.5 miles last Friday and I'm either doing 8.5 or 10.5 tomorrow.  New Year's Eve ended up being a nice night at home.  I drank entirely too much, quite honestly I was trashed.  I drink here and there, but not often and definitey not that much.  Mark and I had a spat, which lasted maybe 30 minutes before we were happy and having a good night again (another reason I don't drink often!).  But  all and all it was a good time, we got the kids sparkling grape and apple juice and toasted  at midnight, it was nice to spend it with family.  New Year's Day was miserable though, I haven't been that sick and hung over since probably college.  It was ridiculous!  Needless to say, I'm staying away from alcohol for a bit, just the thought of wine kinda makes me queasy right now.  So that was my only "bad" day as far as eating/drinking goes.  Other than that I've been behaving myself. 

Even though I've been doing well as far as eating and workouts go, I've been in a rut where my self-image is concerned.  Although today I wore some of my size 2 slacks and I felt little and felt like I looked little, this definitely helped with my recent self-image issues.   I only seem to be happy when I'm actively working towards goals, but since I've almost reached my weight goal I suppose I've felt almost like I'm without a purpose.  It's hard when the weight comes off so slowly and I don't see the fruits of my labor as often as I'm used to.  So, instead of focusing on weight related goals, I'm going to focus on health, fitness and general life goals.  One that I'm working towards is running a half marathon.  Another is fitness related, but I don't want to post it on here yet until I've committed.  Tonight I had an awesome Zumba and Body Pump class.  The weirdest thing:  you might remember a previous post where I admitted to cheering on singles during Body Pump and how I had said that I was the only one that did it for the most part;  suddenly many people in the classes have started cheering!  It was like a switch was flipped and suddenly half the class is cheering on singles now, so random!  I love it, it makes the classes way more invigorating, but it kinda weirded me out at first because it was just so unexpected!  It was awesome!  Every time now, when the instructor hollers "Singles!"  Half of the class is cheering and all of a sudden Body Pump is way more fun!  Anyway....  I'm sure I have more to say, but I'm exhausted and I'm wondering if any of this post will even make since, so off to bed I go!  I'll post an actual *good* blog soon, with pictures!  Of something...  Night all!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Survived Christmas!

It's been a crazy week, but we survived Christmas.  I've been running around baking, shopping, cleaning, cooking, wrapping, coordinating.  It's been insane!  And I've been doing decent with my running, too!  I ran Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  I didn't run Sunday or yesterday, shame shame!  But to be honest, the rest has done me good.  My eating has been so-so, I've definitely indulged in sweets too much this season.  No binges or mass destructive actions, I'm hoping the fact that I've been running most days  balances out any bad eating I've done.  There have been a couple of rest days that I burnt as many calories as if I ran just from being on my feet and running errands.  Either way, whatever may have been gained will be reversed within a week or so.

I tested my size 2 theory this past week.  I found myself at Burington Coat factory and Kohls in the midst of my Christmas shopping and decided to try and find some jeans that fit while I was out.  I found several pairs of size 2 jeans and all fit, but the selection was extremely limited.  I feel that I've confirmed that I now fit into a 2, but between the 4 or so pairs of jeans, I felt like that they were too expensive for my cheap ass.

Today I had my first run since Saturday and it kinda sucked in one way.  My dear SIL came out to run with me, we just did 5 miles.  That part was cool, it was nice to have someone to run with and chat with (as I gasped in air, I still haven't mastered the art of running and talking :P), but my stomach started hurting pretty badly.  I had eaten lightly over an hour before we started and it felt like the food was lodged right under my esophogus.  I know better, but I was hungry!  Bleh, I'm sure part of it was punishment for the abuse I've submitted my body to over the past week.  I wish I could just have a good run with a fellow runner without any incident of lameness.  Either way I'm going to start trying to run at a 9:30' per mile pace on the treadmill to work on my speed.  If nothing else, maybe I'll be faster next time!  

I'm actually ready to go back to work  tomorrow.  I'm anxious to get my eating and workout routines back to normal.  I need some Body Pump for sure, my muscles don't feel as nice and firm as they usually do and of course I feel fat and bloated.  Which I probably am.  I always seem to have water weight after holidays.  Tomorrow I'm back to drinking all my water, eating better and strength training!  I know my body will thank me for it, I can't wait to get a good Body Pump class in!  That's really about it for now.  It's been so long since a blog that I feel as though I'd never get you all updated in a timely manner.  Most of it is trivial anyways.  So here's to finishing off this year with a streak of good eating and bad ass workouts, and then starting the new year off the same way!!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Mini Binge vs. a Binge Two Years Ago. Look at me now.

 Last night's post, I wanted to proof read it for errors since I was so exhausted when I wrote it:

I've always had a problem with sugar.  Really, food in general, but sugar is a big weakness for me.  Since I've reshaped my eating it hasn't really been as big of a problem for me the past couple of years, I mostly crave foods full of protein and fiber; and that's worked for me.  But yesterday I had a break!  It started with the work Christmas luncheon.  I think where I made my mistake was skipping breakfast.  This is a big no-no folks!   Even something like an apple makes all the difference.  I got busy and then I thought, "Well today is the luncheon and I plan on eating so I can wait anyway."  I did fairly well at the luncheon, I got bigger portions of the things I knew were healthy.  Ie- the broccoli salad I made, the chicken salad a fellow weight loser brought and fresh veggies.  I got a couple bites worth of the other things I wanted to indulge in.  After doing a calorie approximation (guessing high to make sure I'm covered), I was satisfied with my calorie count.  I adjusted the rest of my day to work around it leaving room to eat some more broccoli salad and chicken salad for my afternoon snack (and an apple) and then a sandwich on my reduced calorie bread with broccoli salad for dinner.  For an after dinner snack I budgeted for one of my healthified banana nut muffins and a half a cup of skim milk with a teaspoon of honey.  After my workout I was starving.  Like insatiable, "Oh, my goodness, need food NOW" kind of hunger.  I went home and ate as planned.  Then I was still hungry.  That's when the switch in my head just shut off.  I didn't know what I was going to eat, but I was hungry and I knew I had to eat something.  My carbs for the day were extremely low, I was doing well on protein and fat, but lacking in carbs.  Usually that doesn't affect me much, my carbs are typically lower than what my BodyBugg suggests I eat, so I didn't think much of this when planning my food for the day.  But all of a sudden I was craving sugar (high indication that I needed carbs).  So I end up eating a cinnamon roll with a drizzle of honey on top.  Then I was STILL hungry.  I couldn't figure out wtf was going on, but I know from experience that if I don't tread carefully I'll end up eating massive amounts of whatever I could get my hands on.  So I evaluated my kitchen and my cravings.  I was still craving sweets, and I felt insatiable and I had plenty of water intake, fiber wasn't low, but it wasn't as high as it usually is, carbs were a bit low.  I fixed a small bowl of Kashi Wild Blueberry Oat Clusters with Almond Milk and a couple of nuggets of shredded wheat.  Full of fiber and complex carbs.  Finally I was fixed!  I felt like a failure, but I knew the damage wasn't irreversible.  Hell, I probably won't have any damage, at least not scale wise.  The way I had budgeted my food I would have had a 1000 calorie deficit, and I was pretty sure I didn't eat 1000 extra calories.  It's just the concept of the issue that irritates me.  I feel like I overdid the sugar, I had half a danish at lunch, the banana muffin had Splenda brown sugar, which is half sugar, the cinnamon roll had sugar in it and the Kashi had a little sugar.  This is WAY more sugar than I'm used to and I felt all sluggish this morning and I really think it's a result of too much sugar.  Raw sugar or honey, agave nectar, things like that I feel are okay.  It's just the refined sugar that I'm wary of.  After logging my food, I still had a 400 calorie deficit.  Which wouldn't be bad for a rest day, but it's almost a bit ridiculous for a day that I did both a bad-ass session of Body Pump and an hour Zumba.

Let's get to the positive side of things though, shall we?  Luckily, it's never too late to start clean.  I think this is one problem a lot of people have when trying to quit a habit or start new habits.  They mess up, then say screw it and give up.  I can't stand that mentality.  Don't give up, never give up.  See rule #11 on my Rules and Random Tips page.  I hate not being able to find a solution for something, I always want to fix things, it drives me nuts if I can't.  If this had been a binge 2 years ago, something like the following would have happened.   I would have pulled into a Taco Bell drive-thru, ordered a grilled stuft burrito and some cheesy fiesta potatoes and probably something else, and heck I'd need dessert so I'd also get some cheesecake bites or whatever dessert thing they're featuring these days.  Then I would have gone home and eaten the entire meal.  I would have taken that sack home to sit in front of the television and shoved my face with greasy food with no thoughts to the repercussions or any conscious idea of the amount of calories or fat I was consuming. Then I would have hated myself and felt sick to my stomach and I would have looked at myself in the mirror with disgust.  I would have told myself that I was destined to be a fat slob and that I shouldn't even bother trying.  Two years ago I would have convinced myself that I wasn't worth the cost of a gym membership, that I had no control over my size or my destiny.  Well just look at me now.  Now all of my food choices are conscious decisions.  Even my binges.  The cinnamon roll that I ate last night came from a batch that my dad made.  He received a sample of the refrigerated whole grain cinnamon rolls that a certain manufacturer is experimenting with.  My dad does a lot of surveys and he's constantly getting new before market foods for us to try and judge.  So, I went crazy with whole grain cinnamon rolls, healthified banana nut muffins and Kashi.  There's worse to go crazy on.  At least it wasn't Taco Bell and Oreos.  Today I've done much better.  I had Subway for lunch.  I've taken to ordering a foot long sandwich (no cheese) and taking half the meat from one side and putting it on the other, then I save the meatless half of sandwich for later.  That way I get extra protein and all I have to do for a quick meal is throw some deli meat on the other half and bam, there's dinner!  So of course I had the other half for dinner along with a bit of my broccoli salad (the recipe is posted on my recipe section now btw!).  For my pre-workout afternoon snack I had a Strawberry YoCrunch, a handful of grapes and an apple.  And I budgeted to eat the last of my banana nut muffins for an evening snack, but I'm not hungry right now so I'm not sure if I'll eat that or not.  I took Mark's Gramma to get his sister her Christmas gift tonight after I had an awesome Zumba class and a 20 minute run, and Mark picked up my new running shoes for me :D!  I'm so excited to try them out on my long run on Friday!  Never in a million years did I ever think I'd be excited to get running shoes!  I'm exhausted so I'm headed to hit the sack!

I almost forgot, I haven't blogged about my weight or size lately.  I had come clean about getting back up to 130 over Thanksgiving, but last Friday I weighed and I weighed in at 127.2!!!!   That's one pound down from my pre Thanksgiving weight!  And if you're an avid reader of my blog, you might remember that I bought a couple of size 2 pants a few weeks ago.  I assumed at the time that they were freak size 2s, but I've noticed a significant difference in the way my 2s and 4s fit.  So I think that means that I actually fit into size 2s now!  w00t w00t w0000000t!  Most of my fours are feeling a little loose these days, so it makes sense.  Getting into a size 2 was never my goal, nor has it become a goal for me, it's just a nice little perk along the way.  The weight is coming off so slowly these days, it feels like I'll never reach goal, but I'm trying to be patient.  I think part of my problem is the flabby skin that's left over.  I've been hesitant to blog about this, because I'm so self-conscious and really sensitive about this, but I think I need to just go ahead and put this out there.   But that blog is for another day!  I hope everyone is enjoying the season and getting their shopping in order!  ttfn!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Christmas Frenzy & 10-miler Accomplished!

Oomph!  That's the noise I make every night when I finally get to sit down and relax!  The holiday season always puts me in a frenzy, but this year, I think I'll get to actually relax and enjoy the season!  I pretty much finished my shopping this weekend, I have just a couple things to pick up, so it's looking good!  Friday I slept in till 7:30 and allowed myself to enjoy some much needed "me time" for a bit before I ventured out on my long run.  About an hour before my run I ate a small slice of my healthified banana nut bread with some coffee because I knew I would need some sort of fuel for the venture.  I taped the dickens out of both of my feet (because I STILL hadn't bought new running shoes) and warmed them up on a heating pad.  Finally, I set off!  The first 6 miles were great, I enjoyed the run and my feet felt great the entire time.  I started feeling a little tired around 7.5.  By the time I hit 8 miles I was definitely feeling it.  I even walked for about 2 minutes.  *Bows head in shame*.  But then I realized that I was killing my run and that if I didn't just push through it I wouldn't accomplish my goal.  There are several points in my run that I could reroute and head home to cut the run short.  One place is at mile 5, one at 7.5 and one at 9.  And believe me that close to the end is a really tempting place to have an out.  But I was determined to achieve 10 miles.  Somehow I miscalculated how far I would have to run to hit 10 miles.  I have an app on my phone that tells me every time I hit one mile so I kept waiting to hear 10 miles as I got closer and closer to my house.  It was tragic, I had to run past my house, looking longingly over my shoulder as I passed it and ran around the block again before I heard 10 miles!  My exact distance actually ended up at 10.15 miles :D  I was pleased.  I was also beat and my feet were swollen from the tape.

Usually after a long run I am not hungry for at least an hour or so (30 minutes for a normal run or normal workout), so after showering and getting ready, I grabbed an apple for on the go once I got hungry.  I figured that if the real hunger set in before I got home, I could stop at Subway or something.  I set out for the mall to do a bit of Christmas shopping.  I felt a bit fatigued and my legs felt a bit like Jello, but honestly I felt fine besides that....  Until I got to the mall and started walking around.  That's when the pain started; horrible cramps clutching the pit of my stomach and causing me to rush to the restroom several times at the mall.  I had this vision of vomiting all over some unsuspecting shopper and then having to apologize profusely as I attempt to clean it off of him/her.  The pain continued on for quite some time before I finally said forget it and decided to get the hell out of there.  I did, however, make sure to stop at the GNC store to grab some GU packets.  I definitely felt like I could have used one around mile 7 of my run and I think it would have made a difference in my performance.  By the time I left the mall, I felt tremendously better, but still nauseous.  So I continued on my merry way, stopping at Gordman's and doing some grocery shopping for dinner.  I ate my apple in the middle of my running around, but never really got hungry till around dinner time.  My dad and brother and sister came over and I made homemade pizza with roasted broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini and squash, and garlic bread.  It was delicious!  But I still wasn't too terribly hungry for having run 10 miles earlier.  This is what I ate (plus another 1/2 piece of pizza).

Yes, it's as good as it looks!  That's all I ate all day, I ended up with a 2129 calorie deficit!
I did some more decorating and cleaning after dinner.... but after a couple hours this is how I ended up.

My brother and sister spent Friday night with us and Saturday I took them and my stepson to do their Christmas shopping.  We spent all day shopping.  We had a really good time though, picking out gifts together, getting Starbucks and lunch.   I was just exhausted from being on my my feet all day and then to come home and clean and finish my decorating was just the cherry on top.  We left the house at 10:30 and didn't get home until close to 9:00.  Sunday I slept in till 9:30, then I headed out yet again!  This time it was to head to the only Build-a-Bear location in OKC, at Penn Square Mall, to get a gift certificate for a needy child.  I wandered around the mall a bit, trying to think of anything I'd forgotten.  I wanted to find an outfit to wear to the Christmas parties I'll be attending this year and happened to see the perfect dress in the window of The Limited.  Keep in mind I've never entered that store because it always looked like skinny girls' clothes in the windows.  After checking a couple of price tags I quickly made my way out of the store.  Then I headed to do the weekly grocery shopping.  Once I got home, I did laundry, cooked, cleaned, wrapped presents, etc.  I spent the majority of the weekend on my feet, therefore I forfeited my rights to run.  But I ate really well all weekend and ended up with a ~700 calorie deficit Sunday and ~500 calorie deficit on Saturday.  I'm happy with those numbers since I kicked ass on Friday!
Today was uneventful.  I ran 1.5 miles on the treadmill, (so short of a distance because I suddenly realized that instead of running on a sore foot and potentially cause a serious injury that I could go buy new running shoes and miss a run) and stopped to buy some new running shoes, they were out of the ones I wanted so they are having them transferred Wednesday!

Aren't they pretty!!!??

w00t w00t!   I also picked up some Body Glide because my new running shirt does this:
It's worse than it looks.

Then I stopped and got my last (or maybe second to last :-P) present for Mark.  When I got home, my sister was there and she helped me get dinner (toasted subs loaded with veggies!) and the broccoli salad for my work Christmas party together, then we chatted for a bit and she went to leave and I walked her out to her car.  I ended up sitting in her car talking for an hour before she left.  I got some seriously needed sister time!  I'm about to go make the kiddo's lunch, get the coffee timer set, get my gym bag ready, and do a load of laundry.  I'm also about to do my butt exercises one of my esteemed Body Pump instructors gave me to do!  I found an old Christmas vest with the cutest snowmen on them that I think I may be able to cinch and wear to the Christmas party tomorrow, but it's an XL, so we'll see.  I'm going to wash it and try it out.  Needless to say.... I won't have time to do any wrapping tonight!  We'll see how tomorrow goes.  Off to finish things and hopefully get some relaxation in!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I love Body Pump, no really, I do!

That's such a weird thing for someone like me to say.  That's what I think anyways.  I feel like I don't belong to the club that says things like that.  I remember my first Body Pump class.  The ladies in my Zumba class had been trying to convince me to try it and assured me that I would love it, but it just seemed so..... hardcore.  It seemed above and beyond my stamina and fitness level.  I was still pretty chunky, I can't remember what size or weight I was at... but maybe around this time frame:
 If not then, then in between that and this time frame:
Either way I was still really insecure about what I was capable of physically.  I was still in that "I'm fat, I can't do that." frame of mind.  Little did I know that I was capable of way more than I gave myself credit for and now, I'm excited to try new things.  I want to go skiing, rock climbing, diving, snowboarding... try kickboxing and pilates.  I want to have tried everything at least once, and now I know that I can.

Anyway, back to my point.  (Ooooh pretty colors!)  I remember my first Body Pump class.  It was after Zumba and the ladies were talking about how much they loved Body Pump.  I decided to just do it, I was terrified, but my Zumba instructor was subbing so at least there was the comfort of having someone I knew as an instructor for my first class.  I'm really not sure why I was terrified, maybe I was scared because of all the self doubts I had, that I would fail, or suck at it, or... really, I have no clue.  But the thing is and one reason why I love Body Pump, you can't fail.  You can go sissy or you can go hard, or you can attain a mediocre workout, but you just can't fail.... unless you don't do it at all.  I got through that first class and that was the end of the debate.  I was hooked.  Call me a masochist, but I loved the soreness from a good hour of choreographed lifting.  I loved the way the movement on the scale might have been minimal, but the inches flew off.  The sizes went down.  I got to know the Body Pump instructors somewhat and found out that they're as awesome as my Zumba instructors are.  I got to talking to other people in the classes and found out that even skinny people have a lot of the same issues that I do.   I love the fact that I can get an entire body's workout without even having to deal with the stupid machines.  I love that I have three amazing instructors that push and encourage and will take the time to give you tips or watch your form.  I love knowing that I'm doing the best I can to push my body to be strong.  I love muscles and definition.  I love, love, love my triceps!  I never once would have thought that I'd love an actual part of my body!  What do I hate about Body Pump?  The only thing I can think about is that initial feeling I sometimes get, when I'm tired or not in the right mindset of "Ugh, I have to work out now".  And pretty much every time I initially think that, I force myself to do it and get in the mode and I end up enjoying the class.  One thing that has really helped with that is to be interactive.  When the instructor gets excited, YOU get excited.  When it seems like no one is really there, it's awfully quiet and people seem to be dragging, YOU get excited.  When I first started Body Pump, there was this girl that cheered on singles, and I'm not sure if it's because she really loved singles or if it's because most of the instructors emphasize singles when instructing.  But it caught on, a friend and myself started cheering on singles.  I know this sounds super dorky, but it really helps!  You can be struggling to finish a set and when that instructor calls out singles and you force yourself to throw out a yell, it seems to help gain momentum.  My cheering buddy ended up leaving our gym due to personal issues and I kept cheering on my own; I held strong to the idea that maybe it was helping someone else.  No one else participated in the cheering (yes, at this point I started feeling not only super dorky, but uber duber super dorky), or if they did it was very rare, but I was steadfast that it helped either the instructors or someone that might have been struggling to get into the class.  The other night, there were only 3 of us in the class (including the instructor), and I joked with the instructor that if no one else showed up I wasn't going to cheer.  To be honest lately I've felt a bit like an idiot when I'm the only one cheering and I was especially exhausted that night.  A woman intercepted with "Oh yes, you will!  Sometimes those cheers are the only thing that keeps me going!"  So, now I cheer, regardless.  Because even if I feel stupid, it might be motivational to other people in the class and I may never hear it, but I know there's at least one person that benefits from it. 

Last night I had a great workout, my foot started hurting again, but not as bad, today I really am going to tape it before running and class tonight, I hope it makes a difference.  The pain on the top of my left foot is tolerable until I get new running shoes (hopefully this weekend!) but the heel pain on my right foot could become a serious problem if I'm not careful.  I asked my Body Pump instructor how to best firm up my butt last night.  There was the obvious keep focusing on squats, lunges, back and glutes  tracks and I thought to myself, yup need to work on upping weight, but then she offered to show me some more particular exercises that would work the muscles in different ways.  I'm excited to start them tonight after Zumba!  So Operation Butt Firm and Tone begins!  And, on that note, I'll leave you with this, because I have muscles!!!
Check out that bulge!  :-P

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Thank Goodness for todo lists!

Thursday was super busy! I wrote out the majority of a post and went to bed before finishing it, now I'm several days behind again, ugh!  I wanted to share a new afternoon snack/workout fuel I tried, Kashi Go Lean Chocolate & Peanut Butter Protein and Fiber bar.  It was delicious!  200 calories, 10 grams of protein and 5 grams of fiber and it kept me going my entire work out.

 After work I went to the gym and ran 18 minutes before Zumba, then did Body Pump.  I have been experiencing some pain in my heel on one foot and on the top of my other foot, but I have started wearing some arch supports in all my shoes (even my pointy boots)  and I had an awesome first half of Zumba!  I didn't realize it, but I think my foot pain has been affecting my performance in that class.  But then it started hurting again, but I think I've decided my problem is that I need new running shoes. After that I got home around 8:30 and picked up the kiddo to take him to the grocery store with me.  Tomorrow is Mark's birthday and I needed him to tag along to pick out a card.  I also bought the ingredients to make a peanut butter chocolate cake, the ingredients to make mushroom barley soup because my dad is sick, stuff for banana bread and some other household items.   We got home and I hid most of the ingredients because I didn't want Mark to know about the cake, then I got the soup on to cooking while I started to decorate the tree.  That thing is monstrous!  A 7.5 footer and it took us forever to put it together Wednesday!  It's still not ready yet, but I got a lot of the hard stuff done tonight!  I'll post pictures once it's ready.  Amongst all the excitement, I had Christmas shows on.  I seriously upgraded to a DVR so that I wouldn't miss out on all the Christmas specials this year.  I know I'm kind of a big dork, but last year I missed most of my favorites because I go to the gym every night.  I am starting to get overwhelmed with the season already.  It is full of Christmas music, movies, gift buying and wrapping, cooking, baking, decorating, party attending.... and I love it!  But there is so much to do!  Speaking of... this is what kind of baking and treat making I do during the holiday season:

Can anyone say sinful?  And delectable?  I managed to do lots of baking last year and indulged a bit and still lost weight through the season.  So this year I'm hoping for maintenance at least!  Let the temptation begin!

Friday I was aiming for another 9.31 miles, since I skipped my long run last week.  I got a couple miles in and realized that the pain in my foot was bad enough that I should be concerned about injuring myself, so I cut it down to 7.15 miles.  It was a good run overall, just a little painful.  I was disappointed in my weekly weigh-in, I was at 130.2, that's two pounds up from before Thanksgiving.  :(  But I also just realized that I'm about to start my period, so maybe it's partly in due to PMS, either way I should be used to bouncing up a couple pounds here and then dropping a couple there.  That's how the game goes!  I ate really well Friday, and spent the day making Mark's birthday cake, helping my dad with lunch, and then going with my dad to get his Christmas tree and do a little shopping.  I made what I'll call a Reese's Peanut Butter cake for Mark's birthday cake.

I have to say it was pretty delicious.  I ate well all day and had a small piece of the cake, but then we went out to the Looney Bin with one of Mark's friends and his girlfriend.  We had a blast, but I drank too much.  I'm hoping my 7 miles balanced out the 4 drinks I had.  But I was drinking Vodka and Diet Coke (ugh I know, but I was aiming for low calorie), actually one of them was a Sprite and Vodka. So I did have some regular soda.  Mark and I quit smoking a few years ago, but Mark still smokes while he drinks so I will have a few drags throughout the night.  I think I indulged in that a bit too much, too.  The next morning I got up and hit the gym.  I didn't get up early enough do a 45 minute run and then Zumba as planned, so I opted for an hour run.  This is where I realized my previous night's activities may have had a bit of an impact, lol.  However, I just told myself that Mark's birthday is worth it, and it would be okay.  I struggled through my run and rushed over to the blood institute.  I give blood every 56 days (the most you're allowed to whole blood), a lot of it is because I am O Positive, so I can donate to everyone.  I feel it's my duty to donate since my blood does not discriminate.  Mark and I went Christmas shopping once I got home and then we had to rush to get the kid over to my dad's for the night so we could go to a cookout for the Bedlam game.  I felt okay most of the day, but I started getting really sleepy early afternoon.  I didn't quite pair two and two together till later, but this is the lowest weight I've donated blood at and I think I was a little more frail than I'd like to admit.  The last time I donated blood I was about 7 pounds heavier and I got really sick feeling then, and felt week for a few days after.  So now, after not eating very much throughout the day and donating blood and having run 6 miles earlier, I think it just really hit me.  I got pretty sick feeling at the cookout.  My entire body felt ice cold and I almost felt as if I were going to black out or something.  So I drank a bunch of juice and sweet tea.  I soon started feeling way better.   I made a great first impression I'm sure <insert sarcasm here>, and I felt pretty uncomfortable since I was in a new element surrounded by people I didn't know, but I made in through the night in one piece and actually started feeling normal by the time we left.    

When I get off of here we're going to do some more Christmas shopping, then come home, finish decorating, bake banana bread and muffins (I have probably 20 bananas in the freezer), and get ready for the new week! I made vegetable barley soup for my dad since he's been sick, so for dinner I plan on stewing some beef and adding it to the soup.  My dad can't eat meat, but Mark doesn't believe in eating meals that don't involve an animal being slaughtered at some point.  :-P  I kinda agree with him, I love meat.  :)  Okay, well I'm off to get busy, I'm at an unusually late start today =/, but I think I needed the rest, so meh.  I'll try to post more regularly!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Oh lordy am I a busy girl!

It's been awhile, I know!  I'm just a tad bit horrible at the whole blogging thing.  I get so busy and of course, I push it to a back burner and the next thing I know there is so much to blog on that I'm not sure where to start!

So, I'll start with Thanksgiving.  Generally speaking I had fabulous Thanksgivings (both the one with Mark's side of the family and then the one with mine).  Nutritionally, it was atrocious!  However, I shall not dwell on the bad (wine all day Thursday and 3.5 different desserts Friday at my dad's Thanksgiving), and will focus on the good.  Thursday morning I got up early and went to run the Turkey Trot in downtown OKC.  My SIL was in town and came to run it, too, and even slowed her pace to run with me!  She told me to set the pace and she'd follow and if she went too fast to just let her know.  Well I kinda waited a step or two so I could see her pace (I already knew she'd be too fast, but I had to try!).  The first mile or so I kept up with her alright (although she was probably still running slower than usual), but then I just got tired all of a sudden!  I couldn't believe how my body was reacting, I'm great at long distance running just under 10 minute miles, but man, trying to go fast really got me!  I struggled through the rest of the 5k, I'm not sure if it was a mental thing for me or if I really tired that quickly, but somehow I just couldn't get into the run.  I did, however, have some great bonding time with the SIL.  And I did finish in somewhere between 29:00 and 29:20!  (Not sure of my exact time because the results were messed up)  My fastest 5k to date was 30:54 so I was pleased to at least have broken my record.  Here is me nearly dying after the race:

I do realize that I look quite hideous, but it's the only pic I have of the event, and the sweatband is to limit my breakouts, not to make some kind of ridiculous fashion statement.
  Then I dropped off my SIL at her car and went home to check on the turkey, by the time I got home I was pumped up and re-energized, so I ran 4 miles after checking on the food.  I think 7 miles suffices to having an enjoyable Thanksgiving!  We spent the rest of the afternoon having a fabulous time.  Friday I skipped my long run, I was exhausted and had plenty of preparation to do for my dad's Thanksgiving and I figured I would just behave myself at dinner.  That didn't exactly pan out, but meh, oh well!  Saturday I went to Body Pump and Zumba and then Sunday I took off again.

I've been doing really well this week!  I ran 6 miles on Monday, did Body Pump and Zumba last night, and tonight I ran a little over 2 miles and did Zumba.  A friend came to class tonight, although it kinda sucked because we had a break in communication and I didn't even realize she was there till class was just about over.  But I'm very glad she came and enjoyed it!  I've kept my eating at the low end of my calorie bracket and am feeling normal again!  I skipped weigh-in last week because I didn't want to traumatize myself, but I'm looking forward to it this Friday.  I hope to see 128 again.  I'm not even looking for a loss, just no gain please!  The leftovers are pretty much gone now, thank goodness!  All I have left is a bit of turkey, so no more temptations left.  You know something I never understood?  When people say (following Thanksgiving or Christmas in regards to exercise) "I've got to work off this turkey!!!"  ................................................................  Really?   I mean..... seriously?  Because I was trying to work off the buttery mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, pumpkin pie and decadent chocolate cake.... but if all I need to work off is the turkey then HELL YEAH!  That would be easy!  Although I ate a ton of turkey the past several days, at least I won't suffer from protein deficiency.  Anyway, I put almost the rest of the turkey into a casserole of Turkey Tetrazzini, it was delish!!!  I posted the recipe under my food section if you're looking for something to do with your extra turkey!   I estimated it to be about 430 calories for a large serving, but I'm not certain as I didn't measure exactly, here take a look:

Yummmmmm!  Very filling!  Anyhoo, I had wanted to put up the tree last night, but I didn't get home till way late and was too exhausted to by the time I ate, made lunches and got ready for today.  So I'm off to decorate our Christmas tree, w00t w00t!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

New PR to Start a Great Weekend

I have a habit of typing these out and leaving it open until the next morning where it's been saved and then I have to publish it the next day, so this is Monday night's blog!

I had a fantastic weekend and am actually looking forward to Thanksgiving this year.  I started my weekend off with my Friday long run.  I made a new PR in both distance and speed.  I ran 9.31 miles and averaged at 9:50 min/mile finishing up in an hour and 31 minutes.  That's faster than the speed of my last 5k, and on long distance I feel that's something to be proud of.  My fastest mile was 8:48 minutes!  :D  Hopefully that's a good sign that I'll make a new time PR at the Turkey Trot!  Later that evening I went clothes shopping.  I feel that I may go down one more size before I hit my goal weight so I didn't want to spend too much money, but I was in desperate need of clothes, pants especially.  So I went to the thrift store.  I got 4 pairs of pants, 5 tops and one skirt for $21.  Talk about bargain shopping!  I also cleaned the house Friday in preparation for a nice night out on Saturday.

Saturday I got all my weekend stuff done (including a 40 minute run and an hour of Zumba!), got an overnight bag packed and we went to stay at the Marriott for the night.  We had planned to go last weekend, on my birthday, but plans changed a bit abruptly.  So we checked into the hotel and got ready to go to dinner.  I was excited to have the opportunity to dress up and go out so I wore a dress that I found at Burlington on sale.  We tried to get a few pictures together and Mark took a couple of me, but we were starving so we kinda rushed the picture process (ahem HE).  This is the best picture out of the bunch:

I look a bit crazy in the picture of him and I, and I hadn't even had anything to drink yet!  We went to the Olive Garden where I had one glass of wine, two bread sticks, one bowl of salad and half a plate of Mediterranean Chicken.  It was absolutely gluttonous and deeeeeeeeeeeelicious!  I sure was glad I worked out that morning!  Especially when we got back to the room after dinner to freshen up before heading down to the lounge.  I came out of the vanity area to see this:

My hunny really surprised me this time!  They were delicious and gorgeous!  We spent the rest of the evening in the lounge, enjoying the music and having a few drinks.  (Okay so maybe I got a bit sloshed!) 

The next morning we got up and had breakfast in the restaurant (it was included in the package Mark got).  I had an omelet with veggies, a piece of wheat toast, a side of bacon and some fruit.  I felt a bit less icky after that.  I was going to go for a run to sweat off some of the alcohol, but I didn't have time.  I spent Sunday cooking and preparing for Thanksgiving.  I am a firm believer in preparing foods and freezing them so all I have to do is pull it out of the freezer and stick it in the oven.  I had three batches of dressing I had to make (one for Mark's family, one for my dad's house and one for the work luncheon), which involved 9 batches of cornbread in 6 pans, two sheets of biscuits and lots of wine!  I also got 2 batches of broccoli and rice casserole ready.  Tomorrow night I'll be baking two cakes and then Wednesday I'll get the dough ready for rolls.  My sister was a saint and came over to help me with the cooking, so on Wednesday I'll be helping her with her cooking.  I was so exhausted by the end of the night, between cooking and laundry (oh and cooking tonight's dinner, too) I felt like I made up for not working out considering I was on my feet all day. 

Today was uneventful, I ate well and went for a quick 40 minute run after work.  Tomorrow will be the doozy, need to bust some tail at the gym, have the work luncheon, stop at the grocery store for a few more Thanksgiving items, then go home and bake a couple cakes.  I sure will be glad to have all this done a couple days early though.  Here's to getting through the next few days without a gain!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Battle Beyond the Pounds

Oops!  I was supposed to publish this last night!

There's no way to really prepare yourself for what comes after you've lost a massive amount of weight.   I was aware that there would be mental barriers to climb, but I did not realize exactly how hard it would be to climb them.  I think all women, hell maybe even most men (?), have fat days.  But my fat days drive me nuts, when I feel fat, I get so depressed.  It's almost like I feel as if all the hard work I've done was for nothing.  It makes absolutely no sense.  How do you go from a size 22/24 to a size 4 and still feel unworthy, unaccomplished, unacceptable?  Today I wore a pair of pants that are a size 12, held up by a belt;  today I felt fat.  I think it would be safe to say that there is a correlation between wearing pants that were several sizes too big and how I felt. I really need to clean out my closet.  Figuratively and literally.  I need work on mentally accepting that I'm not fat anymore, that I'm healthy and pretty and then maybe I'll be happier.  There are times that I see myself in the mirror and think "Dear, Lord, people are freaking crazy I still have plenty of weight to lose!"  and other times I feel skinny not just normal, but just downright skinny.  Realistically I'm neither, I'm just normal and healthy and that's a good place to be.  That doesn't mean that I can't strive to lose a few more pounds, it just means that I shouldn't beat myself up about it. 

There are times that I will be walking down a hallway and someone will be walking down the other side and I'll smash myself against the wall to keep from running into the person.  Other times I'll "squeeze" by a person (ie at a bar or restaurant) when I had plenty of room just to walk around them.  Sometimes I sit down on a chair extremely gingerly just to make sure it doesn't collapse under my "fat" ass.  There are times that people look at me and I wonder exactly how fat I look or if I'm at a restaurant if they are judging what I'm eating.  A lot of times I find myself eating in shame.  I log my food pretty much everyday, I'm conscious of the amount of calories I consume, I make allowances for how much I've worked out for the day and yet there are still times that I feel shame for eating some things.  It is an unconscious reaction, something I battle with every time I want to indulge in something special.  "Do I really deserve this?  Have I worked out enough to account for this?  Have I lost enough weight to justify splurging?"  The answer?  Damn fucking right I have.  I have busted my ass for 1 year and 9 months, working out at the very least five times a week (most of the time six), I have traveled one of the most difficult journeys I've encountered, I've obtained numerous injuries, I've sacrificed time and more energy than I thought were possible to expend , it has taken more dedication from me than I even realized I possess.  I have earned every fucking bite of that cookie.  And I have GOT to stop feeling guilty for things like that. 

For this reason I have become extremely irate at society.  How dare society as a whole make people feel like that?  People that are overweight are sometimes treated as if they have an STD.  Like they have a disease and it's their fault they have it.  This case may be right in a lot of situations, but you don't know what they've encountered or what kind of hell they may have suffered.  Maybe being fat is reassuring to them because of past trauma.  Maybe it's genetic, or maybe it's because that's all they've ever known as a child.  Maybe that fat person sitting at the table across from you has lost 50 pounds and is enjoying a cheeseburger and fries on his/her free meal.  Maybe that's the one meal a week that he or she is allowed to eat whatever s/he wants and you've ruined it by staring at him or her as if s/he were an abomination.  I'm guilty of it, too.  There are times that I look at an overweight person that is consuming a massive amount of unhealthy food and I think to myself "Jeez, no wonder s/he is fat."  But then I remind myself that I must have looked exactly like that, too, and I ate myself out of an emotional abyss many a times and who the hell am I of all people to judge?  Most of the time, when I see an overweight person I just feel sad, because I know what it's like and it's not a very happy place.  And you don't realize how unhappy you were until you lose the weight.  Not just that, but I fear for their health.  I didn't realize exactly how complacent I was about being unhealthy until I got healthy and realized that the way I felt before was probably a huge warning sign from my body that I'd best get my rear in gear before it shut down on me.

I could go on and on about the mental baggage I carry, but I digress (for now anyway!).  Tonight I had a fantastic workout!  I busted tail in Body Pump:  upped  my weight on squats and on back and decided that I'll up shoulders and lunges on Thursday.  I know I'll be sore tomorrow!  I was sweating so much that when I finished there were drops of sweat on the ground underneath me!  Love that feeling!  Then I had SO much fun in Zumba; I really pushed myself and worked up a very nice sweat.  Speaking of sweat, random thought: while I love sweating because I know I've worked hard, I hate sweating so much that it looks like you peed your pants.  That is embarrassing!

What I look like after a good workout.
Our Zumba class is set up like a dance studio; hardwood floors that are waxed periodically and mirrors lining half of the room.  For the longest time I avoided the mirrors like the plague.  I would strategically plan my spot in a location where I would not have to look at myself at all, somewhere in the back corner where I couldn't see me, and no one else could either, I did this for Body Pump, too.  I just couldn't stand to see myself.  The past couple months I've slowly been moving to a more visible spot.  First to the front, while still being out of view from the mirrors.  Then closer to the center so that I could only see myself when we moved to the right, but I would quickly be out of view again.  The past couple of months I've gotten gutsier and have found myself staring back at me from the mirrors.  Tonight I somehow ended up front and center and spent a good portion of the class watching myself and I didn't feel revolted or ashamed, not once.  In fact, I looked tiny!  I enjoyed watching myself so I could work on what moves I thought could use improvement, and honestly I was a little bit fascinated.  Was this tiny person me?  Could I really move like that?  Wow.  I think I've made a breakthrough.  It still won't all be champagne and roses from here on out, but maybe I've created a memory I can revisit when I start thinking poorly of myself.  So this is what I decided upon as a temporary resolution to my "fat days" and the negativity that can sometimes overwhelm me.  First of all, this weekend I'm going to take out anything larger than a size 6 and give it to Goodwill or to my sister for goal clothes.  Then I'm going to go shopping and get some new clothes.  My dad gave me a gift card to go shopping for my birthday and I'm super excited to use it, but I think I'll probably end up one more size down before I'm done so I think I'll go to the thrift store to get a few new pairs of pants for now.  I'll get tops, dresses and shoes new, because those probably won't be too big for me if I do go down a size.  Next, I'm going to write a list of all the things that have changed since losing weight, I feel that will help me remember that:  I am not fat.  That brings me to my last tool.  I am not fat.  I'll keep this phrase in my head and repeat it until I believe it.  And when I don't believe it, I'll repeat it even more.  And because I have no good pictures to leave you with, here is me not being fat with my baby, Bella.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

So good I needed a smoke afterwards!

Haha you guys are sick!  I was talking about my amazing run this afternoon!  (And no I didn't actually smoke afterwards.  :-P)  I spent the day watching TV, cleaning and doing laundry.  I've felt a tad queasy today, I think because I ate foods my body really isn't used to this weekend.  I only had one beer last night so I know it's not that.  A little after 4 I forced myself out the door.  Really, I had to make myself go.  And I'm so glad I did!  It was beautiful outside, sunny and just cool enough to keep me comfortable while running.  The perfect fall afternoon: cool air, sunshine, leaves of all colors decorating the streets, people walking their dogs.  I was in heaven.  I've really been in a cranky mood today, but no more than five minutes into the run I felt my mood alleviating.  I took my route through the park; it was so lovely!  I ran a full hour and it just flew by.  Tell me, could you run through this and not be in a good mood?

I feel so much better now!  Anyhoo, my Sunday primetime TV lineup has started with Once Upon a Time, and I need to finish laundry and Monday preparations.  Chicken gyro salad for dinner, yum! 

Birthday Splurging and Yet Another Miserable Run.

Today is my birthday, but yesterday is when the celebrations began.  It started with what was supposed to be my first outdoors 9 mile run.  It ended up being one of the worst runs yet!  What is up with the shitty runs lately? I guess I'm going to have to figure out a way to weather the cold and wind better.  I'm just hoping that once I get new running gear (gloves, ear warmers, long sleeved Under Armour) that I'll be better able to handle the weather  since I really avoid the treadmill.   I had mapped my course out beforehand, but didn't know some of the roads so I wasn't prepared for what I faced.  I started out running a couple miles North and ended up in countryside.  I had made my course a nice square so as easy to remember where I was supposed to turn, but each side seemed to last for freaking ever.  As soon as I was surrounded by fields and farms the wind and cold assaulted me.  My theory is that there are not enough buildings and structures to provide any sort of shelter so I was instantly vulnerable to it.  Plus I have this running sweater that is an XL or an L and I now where between a S and XS.  I don't know if this is a mind thing, but I've noticed a difference from when I start running and when I get warmed up and tie it around my waist with the wind resistance.  But Friday it was just too dang cold to take it off!  Anyway, it was another miserable long, never ending run.  My stomach started cramping around mile 6.5, once I was finally back to society and I felt like I was going to be sick, so I stopped at a Subway to use their restroom.  While I was there my sister called, she was standing at my front door!  We had a communication malfunction regarding when she was supposed to pick me up.  At this point the fuck it switch had gone off in my head and I just wanted to be done with it, so I told her to meet me at a 7-11 that was a mile away.  Let me tell you something folks... if you want to improve your running speed, then go for an extra shitty run, then have the prospect of salvation just a mere mile away and have at it.  I flew to 7-11.   I'm certain I've never run that fast before, I estimated that it took me 7 or 8 minutes to get there, if that.  Once I got to 7-11, my sister wasn't in her car, I stood there, gasping for breath with the door open looking around, my sister said when she came out from the store that I looked terrified.  Perhaps I was just a tad terrified.  All I could think was "HOME" and my rescuer was nowhere in sight.

After that miserable 7.5 miles, we had a wonderful day!   I had a birthday lunch with my sister and dad and this really great little sandwich shop, then we went to pick up my birthday cookies.  We got enough for all my family and a couple friends.  I have a true and desperate love for One Smart Cookie's Iced Cutout cookies.  I had decided that since my birthday celebrations would be spread over the course of two days, then the first day would include a cookie and the second day would include cheesecake.  Here are the best sugar cookies ever:
So delicious.  I got one that said Happy Birthday on it with sugar crystals on top.  It was the size of my hand!  I have no clue what the calorie content is for one of those cookies, nor do I care, it was worth every calorie.  
I made the decision before that my goal was to be in the 120's by my birthday, which I had, in fact, I almost forgot, my weekly weigh in yesterday was 128!  One pound down!  Anyway, so I met my goal, should I gain a couple pounds over my birthday, it's no big deal, I know I'll lose it again and what better time to splurge than my birthday?  So then after celebrating with my siblings, my dad and his friend and Mark and I went to dinner at the Hideaway.  It was soooooooo good!  I love their Chicken Florentine pizza and had been craving it for awhile.  After dinner we headed to the comedy club.  I drank a fishbowl full of Long Island Iced Tea.  I definitely don't have the alcohol tolerance that I used to!  Let's just say I wasn't feeling my best this morning, but I truly had a blast last night.

This morning I got up early and went to the gym.  Even though I woke up early I was definitely dragging and didn't make it until Body Pump was half over, but at least I got that much in.  Many days I would have used being late as an excuse to not go, but I knew another day of celebration was ahead and that I'd feel a lot better if I worked out.  So I did half a class of Body Pump and a whole class of Zumba.  I intended to go for a short 30 minute run, as well.  But I think I did well considering I was suffering from a mild hangover.

Well I just spent 45 fucking minutes finishing this post and I'm sorry but I don't have the patience to do it all again.  I ended up having a decent birthday.  I had a fattening dinner, saw a spectacular presentation of The Wall, and ate cheesecake.  And today I get to do all the shit I do every Sunday, so no new news.  I do plan on going for a run here in a little bit, maybe help reverse any damage done.  I've got to get ready for Monday and a new week, and I'm really not looking forward to it.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Slowly Making Progress

Well I have gotten the Background and Timeline in Pictures sections published.  I still need to get my Recipes and Food section going.  Tuesday I only had time to run 16 minutes before class, although I raised my speed to 6.4 mph for 10 minutes of it, so I was pretty pleased.  I had a great Body Pump class, but then when Zumba came along I lost my wind about halfway through.  I felt off and awkward the whole class and really wanted to just go home, but I pushed through it.  Yesterday I actually dragged my ass out of bed early enough to go run!  Not early enough for a good long run, but I hit the snooze a couple too many times.  :-s  Finally, something clicked through the sleep fog in my mind that I was never going to get back in the habit of getting up early to go run unless I just did it.  So despite the fact that I only had enough time for a quick 30 minute run I jumped out of bed and went with it.  I ended up running 36 minutes and rushing through the getting ready process.  After work I hit the gym and ran for another 45 minutes.  It kinda sucked.  I have gotten to where I really don't like running on treadmills.  I find it boring and I don't like the lack of control over what I watch on TV at the gym.  I forgot my headphones so I couldn't listen to my audio book and was a little miffed about that.  But I survived it!  And I felt great afterwards so I'm glad I trudged through.  Today I feel really tired and worn down.  I was planning on an hour run, but I think I'll stick with a 45 minute run.  Tomorrow is my long run day and I don't want to be too exhausted.  That's about it fitness-related.  I've done well with my eating the past two days, ending with 1000 calorie deficits both days.  I've been trying to get going on the holidays, but this year I'm really bummed out about them.  I can't seem to get in the spirit.  Not even for my birthday.  My birthday is this weekend and it marks the start of a very whirlwind couple of months, flinging us from November to January in a matter of minutes, but I can't seem to get gung-ho about any of it.  Meh, hopefully I'll change my tune soon!  Anyhoo, I'm headed off for my run.  I think the rest of the day may be spent with little movement and lots of sitting on my ass, we shall see though. :-P

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Oi! Full tummy. :(

So yesterday wasn't the best day.  As far as work was concerned, I was tied to the front all day because our receptionist called in sick, so I wasn't as productive as I would have liked to be.  Then I ate well all day, planned a run for right after work and was going to be right on track.  Well, I changed into my running gear, was packing up my stuff to head for the gym when my friend came rushing by saying that a horrible storm was coming.  With 3.75 diameter hail.  At this point I forget all about my run and call my dad (still catching rides until we get his car fixed.... long story) and tell him that maybe I ought to skip my run so he doesn't get stuck driving in the storm.  So he picks me up from the office and we head home.  My dad stays for a bit and we visit and no rain, nothing.  By the time he left I was sure I had time to get in a run before the storm and was pretty bummed out that I hadn't.  Well, I think it was around this time that I kinda just said fuck it.  I had made my Awesome Chili, which the kid loved.  His exact words were "Yeah, it was pretty spicy, but it is addictive!  It sucks because it's so good I couldn't stop eating it."  This coming from a child that can't stand heat in his food at all!  I consider that a success.  So I started with a small bowl as planned and of course ended up going back for seconds.   It only got worse from there because I ended up having a late snack of teddy grams with a half a tablespoon of natural peanut butter and milk in a cup (actually pretty tasty).  I usually only reward myself with late snacks if I run so I was breaking my own rules.  Anyhoo, I ended up with a very full tummy to the point that I woke up this morning still not hungry and I always wake up hungry.  I'm pretty disappointed in myself.  It wasn't a binge, but it was still a lack of control and obviously something I need to work on.  Although according to my BodyBugg I still ended up with 150 calorie deficit so I guess that's something.  Perfect if I were only focused on maintaining, but I want to look fabulous for my birthday coming up this weekend!  I imagine part of my sick/bloated feeling this morning is due to PMS as well, so I'm trying not to kick myself too hard.  If you've read my Rules and Random Tips page you should note that I made clear that you are your own worst enemy, this is very true.  So today is a new day, I was going to go for a quick 30 minute run to help compensate for last night this morning, and I even got up early enough to, but it was pouring.  Nuh uh, not for me!  So I went back to sleep.  But last night I ended up staying an extra 15 minutes (which yes I did actually spend working!) waiting for my dad to get to the office so I can leave work early and get in 30 minutes before Body Pump and Zumba tonight.  If the weather is okay, I plan on running before work and after tomorrow, as well.  And I really plan on kicking it in the rear for the rest of the week.  Especially Friday and Saturday.  Why, you ask?  Because I am determined to be in the 120's on my birthday, and because I am adamant about having a cookie from 1 Smart Cookie on Friday and having cheesecake on Saturday. This is how my program works, yes I'm definitely going to indulge, but I'm going to bust ass to compensate so that freaking cookie and cheesecake and any alcohol I consume better be worth it!  I'm going to end this with a picture of my princess, because I love her and she's absolutely adorable!  Have I ever mentioned that I'm SO not a dog person?  I love all animals and they're all sweet, etc., etc., but I don't like the size of dogs and when they jump on you and make your house smell bad and you have to bath them and it's just SO much work.  But this dog has gone and won my heart and I wouldn't give her up for anything!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Lazy Sunday

I decided that after running 14 miles in two days that I would designate Sunday as my rest day for the week.  So I slept in and lazed about most of the morning.  I drank coffee, did a wee bit of housework and watched television.  Sometime in the early afternoon, I convinced Mark to go for a walk with me because I needed something from the store anyway and what better weather could we ask for a nice afternoon walk?  We had a lovely walk that lasted a little over 45 minutes.   When we got back home, I realized I was starving and that I had not eaten at all and it was already 2:00!  So I ate a little bit of chicken and rice with salad on top and half an apple.  We were invited to Mark's grandmother's house for dinner last night, and we were having BBQ so I didn't want to eat very much before heading over there, but I was still hungry after a bit so I ate a graham cracker with peanut butter and raisins on it.  I know from experience that if I'm too hungry before going to dinner that I will pig out.  At dinner I ate a rib, some brisket, a small scoop of potato salad (mustard based so it's better calorie-wise anyway), a small scoop of broccoli salad, a small scoop of beans and about 10 pieces of fried okra.  I was a little too full for comfort, but not sick so I did okay.

When we got back home I got started on the last load of laundry, folding the laundry and Monday's dinner.  I bitched out on lunches, decided to give the kiddo lunch money instead of making his lunch and to worry about mine in the morning.  Mark had leftover ribs for his lunch.  Sunday night is prime time TV night for me.  I hardly watch any television throughout the week, but Sunday is my night.  My line up starts at 7:00 with Once Upon a Time (LOVE this new show!), then Dexter at 8:00, Homeland at 9:00 (LOVE) and Walking Dead at 10:00.  I spent Once Upon a Time chopping vegetables in front of the TV and running to the kitchen on commercials, then I spent most of Dexter in the kitchen cooking.  I was getting a big crock pot full of chili ready for tonight's dinner. :D  For some reason I just haven't been as hooked by Dexter as I have the past several seasons.  I'm not sure if it's the show or if it's me, or if perhaps it's the aftermath of Breaking Bad and the new glow of Once Upon a Time and Homeland.  I still enjoy it, and I still want to know what's going on, but I just don't feel the same pull I used to.  I can't wait to see what happens on The Big C next season!!!  That and Shameless!  I have to say Showtime has if nothing else a great line up of series.  Anyway, I only managed to fold about half the laundry before I retired to the bedroom, but at least the chili was in the fridge ready to put on the crock pot this morning. Sunday was a pretty slow, lazy day, and I didn't accomplish much, but I feel absolutely rested this morning so oh well, maybe I needed it!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

New wind!

My weekly weigh-in has set me on fire again!  I've been struggling with dedication and fighting to get back my mojo, and I think my newest weigh-in has helped me to refocus!  You would think that after a year and 9 months that this would be second nature to me, which most of the time it is, but it's still a struggle at times.  Looking at nutrition content, exercising when I feel my body screaming for it, and recognizing when I'm thirsty instead of hungry is almost always natural to me now, whereas giving actually giving a crap about how many calories a piece of carrot cake has doesn't always!    Anyway, let me back up a bit.

Yesterday was my long run day.  When I go for long runs it's as if I'm going on a mini journey, there are stages and events that pinpoint different times throughout the run.  I was freezing until about 9:55.  I finished my run at 10:10.  Now my core stayed warm, which is good, but I couldn't feel my arms, which is not good.  However, I still enjoyed my run for the most part.  The first couple of miles I really felt like I was barely moving, it's like the cold had me frozen in place.  I was reminded that I have got to get some winter running gear, and soon!  The route I took was FULL of hills, really there aren't very many areas in my town that aren't full of hills and while I usually think about how much I hate hills while running up them, I love the workout and I absolutely love running down hills.  I really thought that I would be lucky to even make 11 minute miles I felt so slowwwwwww!  Finally, around mile 6 or so, I got to the park.  There were tons of people there setting up Christmas in the Park, I almost felt like it was the holiday season or something ;p.  One thing I absolutely love about my city, is that people are so friendly, especially fellow runners.  You can smile and wave and always expect a response.  On Thursday when I went for my short run before class I smiled and waved at a young woman running towards me and she gave me the evil bitch glare!  I couldn't believe it, I just passed it off as a consequence to running in OKC. Although we can give the lady the benefit of the doubt and say she was having a tough run.  Anyway yesterday I smiled and managed a "Good Morning" to a few people in the park and the pleasantness revived me, I killed the last couple of miles home.  I was still apprehensive as to my time, but after calculations I ended up at a 10.5 minute/mile pace.  Which I'll take considering the combination of the uphill running and the cold!    After that I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my dad and sister and attempted to find a dress to wear on my birthday.  No such luck.  My eating yesterday wasn't the best, even after my long run I ended up with a mere 750 calorie deficit, but I will say that everything I ate was healthy!  Homemade steak and egg white breakfast burritos, hummus and other tapas, fruit, chicken and stuffing and shredded wheat.  All good calories and good fats, so it suffices.  Ah, I almost forgot about my favorite part of this blog post!  My weigh in!  So my weight has been bouncing around from 130-132 for the past few weeks now and it's been a bit frustrating.  But yesterday morning I got on the scale and it read..... <insert dramatic pause here>....129.  That's right, I've hit the 120's finally!!!!  w00t w00t!  9 more pounds to secondary goal!  *does a little dance*  I jumped off the scale and got back on about 3 more times and moved the scale in between times just to make sure.  It read each and every time 129.0!!!  I've hit a new era folks! 

Today has been about the same as yesterday more or less.  I got up and went for a run, today just an average run, 6 miles.  But this run was torturous for the first 45 minutes.  The wind was atrocious!  It was blowing North and was so strong that I was sure I wasn't moving at all!  I was pretty much miserable the whole time.  I got about 2 miles in when I was hit with terrible stomach cramps.  I had to stop at a McDonald's to use the restroom, I was really terrified that I was going to be sick in one of two ways.  After my stop, I continued on.  The run wasn't too bad up until the cramps began, but once that subsided and I continued on my way, I changed what direction I was running in and was suddenly running against the wind.  That is where the trouble really began.  I ran as hard as I could and was still barely moving, I turned off the main street into a neighborhood hoping that there would be more shelter from the wind, but to no avail.  After struggling for what seemed like hours, I finally did what is biggest no-no when you're running.  I walked.  Ask any runner, you are not supposed to stop running unless absolutely necessary, because it's like something in your head clicks when you start walking in the middle of a run.  You automatically feel like it's okay to walk and then you start looking forward to the "next" walking portion.  >.<  It was terrible, although throughout the entire duration of my run I know I didn't walk more than about 3-5 minutes.  The longest period was through that neighborhood that was damn near like a wind tunnel and that was about 2 minutes.  The rest of my run I felt like the wind was pushing me backwards or I just felt like I was walking even though I really thought I was running so I'd start to walk, but then I would mentally kick myself and tell myself to move my ass because I saw the 120's and I'd be damned if a little wind was going to hold me back, so those walking periods didn't last more than 10-15 seconds and I couldn't have walked more than probably 4 times.  So ultimately I feel like I defeated the wind.... but it was truly brutal.  I finally got back into my zone when I got to the park.  I absolutely love running through that park, I love the trails and how the incline is so subtle that I don't realize how far the elevation is until I'm running back down the other side.  I finally got back home, showered and got ready to run errands with Mark.  We did a few things and then we went to Burlington to find me a new coat.  I've been searching for a coat the past couple of weeks with no luck.  Sadly this is the first time I've been excited to get a new coat and have not had any success!  But with Mark's persuasion I decided on this one:

It's actually a little loose on me, but they didn't have any smaller.  Either way I like this one and the "S" on the tag gives me a warm giddy feeling in my stomach :D.  I felt a little sick by the price, but I know for a nice coat it really was a good deal.  I just hate spending money on myself.  But I also bought a cute springy kind of dress that was on sale for $6.  Not one that I could wear for my birthday unfortunately :(, and I didn't take any pictures because I'm really self conscious about my arms and it's a sleeveless dress.  But I might brave up to it in the future, I'm still trying to figure out how much exactly do I like the dress.  Anyways, I still need to find a dress for my birthday (exactly in one week!) so I'm a little bummed that I haven't had more luck there.  I always used to think "If only I were in a small then I won't have any problems finding cute clothes!"  And now here I am and I have just as much if not more trouble if only because I actually care now!  Bleh.  I'm sure I'll find something, it's just a matter if I'll be willing to dish out the dough.  My eating has been pretty awesome for a Saturday!  I had a Light N Fit Dannon Active yogurt at 80 calories for breakfast with coffee and sugar free hazlenut creamer.  Then for lunch we stopped at Taco Bell.  This terrified me as every time we stop at Taco Bell I end up caving for the delicious cheesy items... like the 5-Layer Burrito.  But today I was refreshed and revived with my new wind (129, yo!)  so I actually behaved!  I ordered a Fresco Chicken Burrito Supreme and a Fresco Soft Taco for 520 calories and 15 grams of fat.  I could have done with just the burrito but it kept me full till about 8:30 tonight when we ate dinner.  520 calories is actually a high number for my typical lunch, but since I didn't eat a full breakfast or eat either of my snacks it worked out well.  Then for dinner I made a large salad full of veggies with just a tad of light ranch dressing and some pepperoni and sausage rolls I bought from the kiddo's fundraiser.  They weren't all that great and probably not worth the calories, but I had half a roast beef sandwich on my reduced calorie wheat bread as a snack later on and am sitting at 1309 calories consumed (definitely good :)  ) so I'm not concerned.    I have enough room to eat at least another couple hundred calories if I so desired, but I'm not in the least bit feeling snackish so I should end with a high deficit today.  If anything I'll eat an apple if I get the munchies.  So, that's been the weekend so far, I really need to find the time to work on my Food and Recipes section of my blog, and a picture section, maybe I'll do that tomorrow since I already went grocery shopping today and have half the laundry done.  It's off for a movie and hunny time! 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Long day

Yesterday I had a calorie deficit of almost 700 calories.  If you read my blog yesterday, you might remember that I didn't go for my scheduled run.  The reason my calorie deficit was so high was because a.) I ate healthy and b.) I took two 15 minute walk breaks yesterday during the day.  So for anyone that doesn't have time to work out, just remember every bit helps!  This is the reason why if I have even 15 minutes to spare before my Zumba or Body Pump classes I usually jump on the treadmill for a short run.
Today I went to work early, my dad gave me a ride and it worked best for both of us to get me to work by 6:30.  This worked well for me because I wanted extra workout time after work since I skipped last night.  I took one of my walk breaks today, but at the scheduled time for my second one, I was occupied with unforeseen circumstances.  I spent a good portion of my morning dicking around with a special ergonomic keyboard a lady at work had spilled soda on.  While I was fairly certain it was fried, I had to give forth plenty of effort before declaring it deceased.  I have to admit I may have enjoyed dissecting the keyboard more than a little bit. 

I did really well with my eating during the day, Kashi GoLean for breakfast, a couple of fruits throughout the day, a pastrami sandwich on my reduced calorie wheat with fat free cheese, steamed veggies and half a cucumber for lunch.  I didn't have time for a good afternoon pre-workout snack like I usually do, so I wolfed down a 99% fat free peach yogurt before leaving.  I then walked over to my gym, locked up my possessions and took off for what ended up being a 38 minute run.  I really enjoyed my run, the scenery was entertaining and somehow I ended up on a part of town where I could see the capitol from!  Once I got back to the gym, I ran into my favorite and very first Zumba instructor.  She just had a baby and looked fabulous, of course, and was coming to attend her first Zumba class.  I was so excited and surprised to see her, I can't wait until she comes back to teach!  She exclaimed over how I look smaller every time she sees me and said I looked great.  For some reason, hearing that from a fitness instructor (and one of my all-time favorites at that) really meant something to me.  I truly appreciate all the kind words and compliments my friends, family, and acquaintances give me, but hearing that from her really made me shine!  I quickly got ready and joined the Zumba class for what was to be a very fun hour, then changed my shoes and shirt (it was drenched from my run and Zumba combined) and suffered through an hour of Body Pump.  I have a sort of love/hate relationship with Body Pump.  I hate to love it... or is it that I love to hate it?  Hmmm... something to ponder.  Then I walked back to my office where my dad picked me up and took me home.  I was quite pleased that I had eaten so well today and gotten such a hefty workout in when my sister presented a tupperware with carrot cake in it to me once I got into the car. 

So I got home, ate some of the casserole that I prepared last night for which I left instructions for Mark to bake tonight and then ate some carrot cake!  At the end of the night I should have approximately a 1300 calorie deficit.  :D  Of course as soon as I had finished eating, the mild tummy ache that I had been harboring earlier in the day reappeared and now I'm sitting here with a sore belly.  I helped the kiddo study for his Elements test tomorrow and chomped down a couple of tums and also just experienced some leg cramps.  Wtf!?  I drank a ton of water today, took my vitamin and ate half a banana, so I should be fine.  Whatever, I stretched them out and am getting more tired and grumpier by the second (tummy ache + sleepy Lealah = grumpy panda), so I think I shall sign off!  Tomorrow:  long run and dad day!  Yay!!!  Love being off on Fridays! 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Perfect night for soup and PJs!

Well, I'm going to be honest here.  The past week has been kinda tough.  I know so early in my blog this may be a bit discouraging for some, but I hope if nothing it will show even the successful weight losers have some trouble!   I did great last week through Friday.  Even Thursday when we had our work luncheon!  In the past year and a half or so, I have just refused any food at the office functions, but this time I wanted to test my own self control.  Plus I had a recipe for Mexican Cornbread I wanted to try and I'm damn sure not going to cook for the office and not eat!  So I looked at the sign up list beforehand and planned exactly what I was going to eat and left a little bit of wiggle room.  And guess what?  For the first time EVER I did awesome in a group social setting!  I had a 1000+ calorie deficit on Thursday and am SO proud of myself.  I'm usually an all or nothing kinda girl, and for this reason I constantly worry about going into maintenance mode.  But I proved to myself on Thursday that I'm capable of eating at a party without getting out of control, and I really feel like that is something I've needed. 

Friday is my long run day, I aim for 7+ miles or at least 80 minutes of running every Friday.  So I burned about 850 calories, which was great because we went to the comedy club on Friday.  I made it through the night consuming two Vodka Cranberries, two mozzarella sticks, a small amount of chips and queso and a small piece of a pretzel.  This sounds like a lot, but I didn't eat much throughout the day before and still ended up with a 1000+ calorie deficit.  It was so nice to go and enjoy a night out with friends and have a couple of drinks.  I never drink these days, it's amazing how much of a lightweight I've become!  Good thing I wasn't the designated driver.  :-p    That my friends, is where the goodness ended!  I didn't work out Saturday or Sunday.  And I have plenty of good excuses, but you don't want to hear them!  Let's just say I was extremely busy.  I did maintain a calorie deficit each day, however.  Then Monday was Halloween, and while I did lovely with my eating, I again skipped my run.  However, I will say that kids are a good reason to skip runs and my kid is definitely worth it.  He had an awesome Halloween.  Here's some pictures:

He stood completely still by that post and would leave the bowl of candy in the middle of the porch.  When children would reach for the candy he would start moving.  The screams I heard that night were priceless!
The first year I'm thin enough to do something cute and all I come up with was a way too big black blouse, a black skirt and a witches hat.  It's okay, though, there's always next year!

I did really well Tuesday night, I ran for 15 minutes on the treadmill, did an hour of Body Pump and an hour of Zumba.  Definitely felt the work out last night.  Then tonight I skipped my run because it was rainy and cold.  It's okay though, I've done really well with my eating today.  And for dinner, I had my favorite cold, wet night meal.  Homemade chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese!  Yum!  I made the grilled cheese by very lightly buttering two pieces of reduced calorie wheat bread with light blue bonnet, then I put an ounce of fat free cheddar and a slice of reduced fat American cheese in the middle.  My soup was full of veggies and chicken and I used No Yolk Egg Noodles to cut back on the cholestorol.  The entire meal capped out at about 380 calories.  Not bad for an utterly delicious meal that you really couldn't tell was healthy!  And what did I do before enjoying this yummy hot meal on a chilly night?  I  turned up the heater, changed into my flannel bottoms and long john top and snuggled up with my baby, of course!  Then I started blogging while watching The Hours on cable.  Perfect!  Signing off for now, stay warm, folks!