Thursday, December 15, 2011

Mini Binge vs. a Binge Two Years Ago. Look at me now.

 Last night's post, I wanted to proof read it for errors since I was so exhausted when I wrote it:

I've always had a problem with sugar.  Really, food in general, but sugar is a big weakness for me.  Since I've reshaped my eating it hasn't really been as big of a problem for me the past couple of years, I mostly crave foods full of protein and fiber; and that's worked for me.  But yesterday I had a break!  It started with the work Christmas luncheon.  I think where I made my mistake was skipping breakfast.  This is a big no-no folks!   Even something like an apple makes all the difference.  I got busy and then I thought, "Well today is the luncheon and I plan on eating so I can wait anyway."  I did fairly well at the luncheon, I got bigger portions of the things I knew were healthy.  Ie- the broccoli salad I made, the chicken salad a fellow weight loser brought and fresh veggies.  I got a couple bites worth of the other things I wanted to indulge in.  After doing a calorie approximation (guessing high to make sure I'm covered), I was satisfied with my calorie count.  I adjusted the rest of my day to work around it leaving room to eat some more broccoli salad and chicken salad for my afternoon snack (and an apple) and then a sandwich on my reduced calorie bread with broccoli salad for dinner.  For an after dinner snack I budgeted for one of my healthified banana nut muffins and a half a cup of skim milk with a teaspoon of honey.  After my workout I was starving.  Like insatiable, "Oh, my goodness, need food NOW" kind of hunger.  I went home and ate as planned.  Then I was still hungry.  That's when the switch in my head just shut off.  I didn't know what I was going to eat, but I was hungry and I knew I had to eat something.  My carbs for the day were extremely low, I was doing well on protein and fat, but lacking in carbs.  Usually that doesn't affect me much, my carbs are typically lower than what my BodyBugg suggests I eat, so I didn't think much of this when planning my food for the day.  But all of a sudden I was craving sugar (high indication that I needed carbs).  So I end up eating a cinnamon roll with a drizzle of honey on top.  Then I was STILL hungry.  I couldn't figure out wtf was going on, but I know from experience that if I don't tread carefully I'll end up eating massive amounts of whatever I could get my hands on.  So I evaluated my kitchen and my cravings.  I was still craving sweets, and I felt insatiable and I had plenty of water intake, fiber wasn't low, but it wasn't as high as it usually is, carbs were a bit low.  I fixed a small bowl of Kashi Wild Blueberry Oat Clusters with Almond Milk and a couple of nuggets of shredded wheat.  Full of fiber and complex carbs.  Finally I was fixed!  I felt like a failure, but I knew the damage wasn't irreversible.  Hell, I probably won't have any damage, at least not scale wise.  The way I had budgeted my food I would have had a 1000 calorie deficit, and I was pretty sure I didn't eat 1000 extra calories.  It's just the concept of the issue that irritates me.  I feel like I overdid the sugar, I had half a danish at lunch, the banana muffin had Splenda brown sugar, which is half sugar, the cinnamon roll had sugar in it and the Kashi had a little sugar.  This is WAY more sugar than I'm used to and I felt all sluggish this morning and I really think it's a result of too much sugar.  Raw sugar or honey, agave nectar, things like that I feel are okay.  It's just the refined sugar that I'm wary of.  After logging my food, I still had a 400 calorie deficit.  Which wouldn't be bad for a rest day, but it's almost a bit ridiculous for a day that I did both a bad-ass session of Body Pump and an hour Zumba.

Let's get to the positive side of things though, shall we?  Luckily, it's never too late to start clean.  I think this is one problem a lot of people have when trying to quit a habit or start new habits.  They mess up, then say screw it and give up.  I can't stand that mentality.  Don't give up, never give up.  See rule #11 on my Rules and Random Tips page.  I hate not being able to find a solution for something, I always want to fix things, it drives me nuts if I can't.  If this had been a binge 2 years ago, something like the following would have happened.   I would have pulled into a Taco Bell drive-thru, ordered a grilled stuft burrito and some cheesy fiesta potatoes and probably something else, and heck I'd need dessert so I'd also get some cheesecake bites or whatever dessert thing they're featuring these days.  Then I would have gone home and eaten the entire meal.  I would have taken that sack home to sit in front of the television and shoved my face with greasy food with no thoughts to the repercussions or any conscious idea of the amount of calories or fat I was consuming. Then I would have hated myself and felt sick to my stomach and I would have looked at myself in the mirror with disgust.  I would have told myself that I was destined to be a fat slob and that I shouldn't even bother trying.  Two years ago I would have convinced myself that I wasn't worth the cost of a gym membership, that I had no control over my size or my destiny.  Well just look at me now.  Now all of my food choices are conscious decisions.  Even my binges.  The cinnamon roll that I ate last night came from a batch that my dad made.  He received a sample of the refrigerated whole grain cinnamon rolls that a certain manufacturer is experimenting with.  My dad does a lot of surveys and he's constantly getting new before market foods for us to try and judge.  So, I went crazy with whole grain cinnamon rolls, healthified banana nut muffins and Kashi.  There's worse to go crazy on.  At least it wasn't Taco Bell and Oreos.  Today I've done much better.  I had Subway for lunch.  I've taken to ordering a foot long sandwich (no cheese) and taking half the meat from one side and putting it on the other, then I save the meatless half of sandwich for later.  That way I get extra protein and all I have to do for a quick meal is throw some deli meat on the other half and bam, there's dinner!  So of course I had the other half for dinner along with a bit of my broccoli salad (the recipe is posted on my recipe section now btw!).  For my pre-workout afternoon snack I had a Strawberry YoCrunch, a handful of grapes and an apple.  And I budgeted to eat the last of my banana nut muffins for an evening snack, but I'm not hungry right now so I'm not sure if I'll eat that or not.  I took Mark's Gramma to get his sister her Christmas gift tonight after I had an awesome Zumba class and a 20 minute run, and Mark picked up my new running shoes for me :D!  I'm so excited to try them out on my long run on Friday!  Never in a million years did I ever think I'd be excited to get running shoes!  I'm exhausted so I'm headed to hit the sack!

I almost forgot, I haven't blogged about my weight or size lately.  I had come clean about getting back up to 130 over Thanksgiving, but last Friday I weighed and I weighed in at 127.2!!!!   That's one pound down from my pre Thanksgiving weight!  And if you're an avid reader of my blog, you might remember that I bought a couple of size 2 pants a few weeks ago.  I assumed at the time that they were freak size 2s, but I've noticed a significant difference in the way my 2s and 4s fit.  So I think that means that I actually fit into size 2s now!  w00t w00t w0000000t!  Most of my fours are feeling a little loose these days, so it makes sense.  Getting into a size 2 was never my goal, nor has it become a goal for me, it's just a nice little perk along the way.  The weight is coming off so slowly these days, it feels like I'll never reach goal, but I'm trying to be patient.  I think part of my problem is the flabby skin that's left over.  I've been hesitant to blog about this, because I'm so self-conscious and really sensitive about this, but I think I need to just go ahead and put this out there.   But that blog is for another day!  I hope everyone is enjoying the season and getting their shopping in order!  ttfn!


  1. oh my goodness, I love your openness.. and I love you!! You are an inspirer. :) Funny, as I read your blog, I feel that a lot of times Christianity functions in the same way. People try to be good, can't achieve it on their own, and give up. haha But unlike Christianity, they don't have to keep trying -- grace is free :) haha ok, sorry for awkward comparisson on your post, just got me thinking though... Evelyn

  2. Lol, thank you, Evelyn! I've never had much tact, have I? :-p I love you, too! And don't worry, that wasn't too awkward... you just might have a point!