Monday, April 16, 2012

This Almost Never Happens Anymore

First a quick recap of the weekend.  The weekend was fairly uneventful.  I ran 3.5 miles Friday before I went to donate platelets, the plan was 11 miles, but I felt tired and achy and I decided to do my long run on Saturday.  Well Saturday came and I was exhausted, barely made it through 8.5 miles, later I realized that it was probably due to donating platelets on Friday.  I had planned on getting up, running 11 miles and then going to Zumba, however I woke up too late to go to Zumba, so I just ran.  I do not usually consider the platelet thing because I feel ten times better after donating platelets than I do donating whole blood, but they take something out of you all the same. Sunday I just cleaned house, did laundry, and slept.

Originally I intended to talk about the Ragnar Relay event I will be participating in Key West in January 2013.  However, I have run into an obstacle.  I woke up this morning really feeling down in the dumps.  In fact, I feel really low right now, to the point that I really just want to go home and hide under my blankets and pillows. Maybe even shed a couple tears and just be a big fat cry baby.  I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to do anything.  Luckily I had some time sensitive things I needed to get done at the office because otherwise I could very well still be at home in bed and sulking.  Depression and anxiety used to be a huge problem for me back "in the day"; I really haven't encountered it very often since I've lost all the weight and I've stayed active.  Sure things get stressful and I might cry if something sad happens, but there's a difference between having a justified time of melancholy and between being downright depressed.  Today, I am depressed.  Again, luckily I have a commitment to teach a Zumba class tonight, so maybe that will help me through the funk.  My point is however, that instead of bullshitting you all about how awesome the Ragnar Relay is going to be and how amazing and excited I am about it, I'd rather just be honest and tell you that I'm not excited about anything today, at least not at this particular moment.  And honestly, my first thought was to just wait on the post altogether, but I want to be an honest blogger first and utmost, because I know I'm not the only one that goes through things like this.  So instead I'm postponing my Ragnar post and just using this post as a way to vent per se.  And I know that maybe someone, somewhere has to go through this everyday and they might need to know that yes, it still hits when you've lost the weight, but you get through it and then things are beautiful and awesome and happy again.  And losing weight and becoming more confidant and significantly reduced the amount of times it does strike.  And then you're working towards your goals again and that Ragnar Relay you're getting ready to train for is just beyond the horizon and all you see is sunshine.  This may sound a little melodramatic to some, but for some of us it's a reality.  (Honestly I think my mindset just improved a notch by putting that into writing.)  So, I'm putting off my post about the Ragnar Relay until I can properly express how excited I am (when I'm in a proper mindset) about participating in this event and about meeting my team members, because I really, truly am exhilarated to be a part of something so amazing and wonderful, and it just would not do my team or the event justice to blog about it right now.

So I shall post in the near future about sunshine and flowers and running through Key West in a blur of glory to make up for this downer of a post.

3 comments:

  1. As one of those team members who is equally as excited to meet you and run this event with you, I absolutely appreciate the honesty here. Thank you for that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Team member 2.0 here...vent away, sistah! I agree with John; honesty is appreciated!! FYI, having depression myself, I found that I've been thrown into a hole after donating blood before, particularly when my iron count was borderline to begin with. Could be a similar issue with the platelet donation. Know that your team is here for you; don't ever hesitate to speak up if you're having a crap day and need a little support!! {{hugs}}

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you both! I'm doing much better today! Truly the best. Team. Ever.

    ReplyDelete