Things are going along swimmingly, I completed my 5 mile training run on Tuesday and my 3 mile training run yesterday. I have a 3 mile run scheduled tomorrow morning and a (hopefully) 12 mile run early Saturday morning. I ended up with an average of 9:48 miles on Tuesday and 10 minute miles yesterday, but I'll get there! My weight is still bouncing around from 127-130, but I've definitely noticed more definition the past week what with getting back into the running groove again, so maybe I'll have more news on that soon!
When I first started my re-posting of Sparkpeople blogs, I was hesitant to post these because I would blog on Sparkpeople with the comfort that very few people read my blog. Now that I have more readers, I suppose I feel as though I'm making myself vulnerable to other people's criticisms. I also hedged around the idea of posting my more negative blogs. But at least these types of blogs are something I know many people can relate to, just know it does get easier!
Down 30 lbs, why aren't I happier??
Monday, May 10, 2010
Well, I've lost more weight, I'm officially 30 lbs down since February. So I should be ecstatic right?? I am happy, I just feel kinda down because well... even after 30 lbs I still have 100 lbs left to lose. That really just makes you think a bit, but at the same time I guess that also means I'm almost a quarter of the way through. I'm trying to be optimistic, but man, sometimes it's just so dang hard to not be self-pitying... I mean I've been fat since I was a little kid, like 8 years old! It's like I never had a chance! But at least I'm doing something about it, so I'll just keep trucking. I think what really threw me into a downward spiral was that on Saturday my fiance and I were going through the manual for his bike when we came across the weight limit. It was 359 lbs and my fat ass broke the limit. Well, this really sucks because I've ridden with him many times and all of a sudden now I can't because I'm too dang fat! Course my fiance said that he would still take me out, we just had to be careful. But honestly how would I feel if his bike broke because of me??? I've got to lose 32 lbs before I can ride with him again. Which summer will be practically over then! I broke down crying after we did the math. I was so humiliated and self loathing. It'll be okay, I know, and there's always next year, I just wish I had started this journey last year before I gained 55 lbs. Then I'd only be 45 lbs away from my goal right now. But I do believe there's a reason for everything. I just need to pray more and keep my chin up. Sorry for anyone that reads this, we all need encouragement not depressing blogs!